God Speaking I love you

Most people have been on an emotional roller coaster at one point in their life, this is my turn.

Last Saturday my brother got married. So exciting! We all sobbed our eyes out at the rehearsal dinner listening to the toasts from friends and family. The night ended with a toast from Walker to his bride. There wasn't a dry eye in the room, but they were happy tears. Saturday was the wedding and it was perfect (minus the weather, it was perfect). Watching tears roll down my brothers face as he watched his bride walk down the aisle was the highlight of it all. It was the perfect picture of purity and patience and the faithfulness of God. He is no longer Walker, they are now "the Fains."

My grandad, "Pappy", has been sick for a while. He's just getting older and the years have worn out his body. Death is a reality for all of us, but this death was different then most. I don't think I've ever been close to someone who died with out the reassurance that I would see them again, in eternity. My grandfather as faithful and loyal as he was, was also a very stubborn man. My whole life I've known he didn't know Christ, and didn't care to for that matter, but that's never stopped our family from loving him and telling him of the love of Christ over and over and over and over again. Sunday night my mom, my youngest brother, Jack, and I went to the hospital to see Pappy. We walked in the room circled around him held his hands and prayed. We prayed for the power of Christ, for the love of Christ to infiltrate him, to surround him. We prayed for salvation. Prior to Sunday night, we had all gone by to see him and had been reading the Gospels to him. You must understand, he's very incoherent. He's highly medicated and can't even hear well, but as my mom continued to emphasize we weren't reading to his ears, we were reading to his spirit. Sunday night, after our prayer time, we started writing things down hoping he could read since he couldn't hear. I held his hand very tight and held up a sign that said "Jesus loves you." I started saying it "Jesus loves you...He loves you...Jesus loves you..He loves you..." I couldn't stop. The words just kept repeating themselves for a while. As I was speaking, I began listening, and as much as Jesus wants Pappy to know of his love for him, Jesus was also speaking to my heart. His unconditional love has always been a battle for me to understand and believe, but in this moment, as Jesus was speaking to Pappy, He was speaking to me..."I love you." I want to tell you that he had this major revalation as he was lying in the hospital bed. That he opened his mouth and said, "I believe." That we all rejoiced in his salvation. I can't.

Pappy passed away last night around 11pm. We don't know where he's spending eternity. It's so hard to have peace in a time like this. I want to have peace and assurance that we did all we could. We knew it couldn't be us to make him believe. It had to be a work of Christ in his life. I don't know if Christ chose to work in his life or not. I'm trying to learn from all this and it may take years to understand. But for now I'm trusting in His love.